Intensity, Pain, Fear

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Misconceptions: If we work hard enough physically, everything in life will be a smooth ride and fall into place.

One negative thought or event throws you off target.

Intensity Pain Fear

How we identify with the situation, interpret, and react or respond determines the outcome of the situation.

How we communicate with our physical bodies determines how we perform emotionally and mentally.

Intensity: We have to learn when it is appropriate to use our energy. When is the appropriate time to discuss things with a person? When is it the right timing to take specific actions? What is appropriate to say and not appropriate to say. What is appropriate actions and behaviors and how do they have a negative or positive cause and effect on the situation.

If you’re angry, hurt, resentful, bitter, you’re struggling, resisting change, and fighting what needs to happen to be in a healthy relationship. In return you get a negative reaction. You react-they react. You’re flooded with fear and emotion, they mirror you and are flooded with fear and emotion. What you put out you receive.

If you’re clam, relaxed, and in harmony with others, you can speak without yelling, screaming, and using negative trigger words or negative phrases to instill fear. It’s a safe environment for both individuals. The relationship is safe. Both people can be their authentic self without someone trying to control the other. Adrenaline isn’t flooding the mind with fear and causing anxiety, depression, and fatigue. You’re more energetic, happy, calm, and relaxed.

Intensity: Emotions & Thoughts

Low Arousal:

Bored

Thoughts wander around on various topics and all over the place. You lose motivation. You want to quit, give up, and throw in the towel.

Fatigued: You’re exhausted, want to be left alone, and out of energy.

Distracted: You’re focusing on the events for long periods of time in a negative way. You’re rehearsing the lines and keeping yourself stuck in fear and adrenaline rush.

Doubts: You start doubting your abilities, your talents, gifts, and even your thinking.

Judgement Errors: You may assume, conclude, and create out of your imagination endless negative scenario’s. Fiction stories about another person. What they meant, what they think, their intentions are, what their motivations are based out of fear and lack of supporting evidence to back up the false belief.

Going through the motions: You’re there, but your heart isn’t in it. You’re not interested in trying. You withdraw.

You get stuck in anxiety & worry.

The other end of the spectrum you can be taking all the right actions, making all the right choices, know all the right moves, know all the right actions, but choke in fear. “What if”.

Distraction: Thinking to much in the future. What if it doesn’t work out? What if I fail? What if they lie? What if they cheat? What if my heart gets broken? Here again you’re flooding your mind with fear and adrenaline.

Doubts: Again creep in. What if I can’t do this? What if I mess up? What if I don’t say the right thing or do the right thing? What if they get upset with me? What if they judge me?I can’t do this. And you freeze and choke thinking about all the ways you can fail or this could be a disaster. You doubt your own strengths. Even if you know everything by heart and have the correct answers, you doubt yourself.

Judgement Errors: When you’re frozen in fear, and adrenaline floods the mind, it naturally makes us crash physically. Again we make the wrong choices and mess up, or lose our patience, timing, balance, and have to take a time out to re-align ourselves.

Optimal Arousal: When we can keep ourselves in balance and not swinging to much into the left or right with our thinking and emotions. We can handle situations emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically in a calm manner regardless of what people say. We can be objective, stay neutral, and not allow trigger words or trigger phases to affect our emotional or mental state. We can take action without becoming frozen in fear.

Cope With Pain:

How do you interpret pain? We may think all pain is bad. Their is functional and non-functional pain.

When we’re in pain our mind sends off warnings something needs to stop.

We have mental, emotional, and physical pain.

Functional Pain: Re-interpret or redefine your definition of pain. Change your perception.

You do control a certain amount of pain that you experience in life.

When we think in black and white, everything is either all good or all bad. There is not in between. He/She is either a Villain or Hero. He/She is either Good or Evil. In actuality there are many shades of colors, personalities, beliefs, cultures, gender preferences, philosophies, and everything can’t fit under one label, in one box, and fit a list or description. A person can be a Villain or Hero at the same time depending on who is in front of them and how they perceive them through their belief system and thinking.

There are multiple choices, possibilities, outcomes, and it all depends on what you choose to do with your thoughts, emotions, actions, and choices.

You may think pain is bad. Again telling yourself life will never get better. I will never be loved. I will never meet the right guy or gal.

I’ll never graduate, I’ll never find a job, I’ll never get out of this situation.

This is lack of confidence bottom line. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to problem solve. I am problem focused instead of solution focused and problem solving. I can’t do it. It’s to hard.

This increases your pain and suffering. It takes away the desire to be strong, and take action. In actuality frozen in fear and afraid to take any kind of action.

Pain is my friend:

Acceptance: We have to accept the fact we have to face pain and go through it before we reach the other side of the bridge where we can be happy, whole, and complete.

We’ve all heard the phrase, “NO PAIN, No GAIN. This is good pain because it is teaching you to build character, to be brave, strong, and to take courage. It’s asking you to have faith in your self, your talents, capabilities, and you can make the right choices, take the right actions. You can be self-reliant and independent.

Analyze: Evaluate what’s going on in your life. What your problems? What is not working? What needs to be adjusted? Is it communications skills. Patience, understanding, compassion, empathy, listening, staying silent at times, sympathetic, learning to manage anger, learning to overcome fears? Find what the roots and pull them out of your soul garden.

Take Action: Do something different. Modify, Adjust, tune-up, trouble shoot the situation. Do your research, study, improve what needs to be improved.

Exertion: Is telling ourselves stories that are fiction out of fear. FEAR: False evidence appears real. Most likely what you fear will never happen. If it does happen it’s because you feared to much and allowed it to happen by not taking action and being stuck.

Resistance: Refusing to make changes, problem solve, and be solution focused.

Not learning something new every day to replace negative thinking patterns with a positive ones.

Not willing to do the work that is needed to achieve success in relationships, on the job, or have a successful career.

Not taking the right actions to where you want to go in life.

Not taking your life by the reins and leading yourself where you want to be.

Blaming other people because your life is the way it is, or they said or did something that didn’t work for you in your experience.

Making up excuses. I can’t do this because?

Refusing to take personal responsibility for how you think, emote, and react.

Focusing on what other people are doing instead of what you’re doing.

Focusing on the past or future instead of what you can to do today to improve the situation.

Expecting someone else to give you the answers or solve your problems.

Being co-dependent instead of independent and relying on yourself to navigate the way.